There's something very humbling about needing to 'take some of your own medicine.' Ever since my week visit with the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity, I have not attended Mass regularly on weekdays and I have not gone to Confession since just before then - 4 weeks! ouch! I have used every excuse in the book! Work. Sleep. Get off early from work. Oh, I'll attend noon Mass. I'll go tomorrow. I didn't do a good examination of conscience. You name it, I probably made an excuse with it. (I'm sure 'my dog ate my homework' is in there somewhere).
I am such a hypocrite! I tell people how wonderful this Sacrament is - and then I make every excuse NOT to go. What's wrong with this picture? (!)
So, to be quite honest, during Adoration last night, I read over an examination of conscience. I can't remember the last time I wept before Jesus in Adoration ... but as I wrote down my sins (yes, I write a 'laundry list' so I can remember what my sins are when I attend Confession), prayed, reread them, and said an Act of Contrition, I wept. I knew in that moment that I helped torture our Lord and Savior.
Now I'm struggling over whether to go early tomorrow morning (Friday) at the Cathedral or wait until Saturday morning and go to my Spiritual Advisor. I really want to go tomorrow morning and attend Mass. But there is an equally strong side of me that really wants my Spiritual Advisor to hear my Confession. If I wait until I go to my Spiritual Advisor, I do not feel worthy to attend Mass and receive our Lord on Friday. If I go to the Cathedral on Friday, my Spiritual Advisor won't hear my confession, another Priest will, not that it is bad, it's just not my Spiritual Advisor. Am I making any sense, Lord????
Lord, give me direction!
I totally missed Confession & Mass on Friday morning. However, I went to see my Spiritual Advisor today - and I can't tell you what a blessing it is to have him hear my Confession and talk with him. He has such a gentle and humble soul and guides me toward the life God wants me to live. Now that my soul has been cleansed, I will attend the vigil Mass.