I'm back!

It has been over a year since I have 'blogged'.  The Holy Spirit has been nudging me to get back to writing, and as an unfaithful servant, I have been arguing with God.  (I think I would have learned by now that arguing will not work).

What has happened:

I lived in the Community of Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity for 3 months.  During that time, I was working at my job and living in the community.  I was having a very difficult time separating the secular world from the religious world.  Through discernment, God wanted me to leave the community, which He displayed through a very recognizable sign.  I had asked God to send me red roses if He wanted me to stay and yellow roses if He wanted me to leave.  That Tuesday, there were yellow roses on every table! 

I am unsure what God has in store for me next.  I am continuing to work at the job I had before I entered the Convent.  I am trying to lead the life God wants me to live.  I pray that I am pleasing to Him.

Since my departure at the Convent, I have had many challenges and many successes.  As of yesterday, I am now coordinating the Perpetual Adoration at my Church.  (The Holy Spirit nudged me and then confirmed it during the Spirutal Formation Committee meeting).

I look forward to writing again and reading all of the comments.

Thanks!

God's Path for Me ... Beginning of a New Life

As I look back, it amazes me how intricately involved God and Mary have been in my life. We hear through God's Word that He knows the number of hairs on your head. What is amazing is that it changes from minute to minute. Hair falls out or is shaved off. New hair grows back or a cell dies and becomes dormant. So we never know from minute to minute or second to second how many hairs we have ... but God, in His infinite wisdom and love for us, does.

He loves us so much that there is no problem too small that He wants to hear about. We think we can only take those grandiose problems that we can not find an answer or solution. However, He wants to know how our day went; what we were feeling; the good things that happened; the anger we felt; the joy; the pain ... He wants it all ... totally and completely.

To be asked by God to join Him is an enormous responsibility and a great privilege. My prayer is that I can successfully complete His will as He requests.

I greatly appreciated your prayers and support during my discernment. As I take this first step tomoorow, joining Him through the Trinitarian Order, I will keep you all in my prayers. Please know that during my Postulancy, I am given limited access to the Internet so my blogging will be few and far between. Please be patient.

God Bless you all!

Be Still & Know that I am God

This morning I received an email from a Benedictine Sister that I do not know. How she received my email & why she sent me this e-card, I'm unsure. But what I do know is that God knew I needed this card.

After I woke up this morning & got ready for the day, I did a quick check on emails and just happened to fall upon a St. Jude web site that asked for prayers/petitions. At the end of a year, I always ask God for one petition for the New Year and I have been praying about what to request this next year. (One year I asked for patience - it was the longest year of my life!) There was only one petition that has a lot of meaning for me this next year - to become a worthy spouse for our Lord. I fall short, way short. However, I know that our Heavenly Father can mold me into a spouse that is worthy of His Son.

I am trying to do it all - get it done quickly, efficiently, and effectively ... but God is telling me to 'Be Still...and know that I am God.'

D-Day

It's difficult to put into words all of the angst, pressures, temptations, fears, and
excitedness that I am feeling at this moment.

Yesterday it finally hit ... as I am sure it will many more times between now and February.

Yes, February!

You got it! Sometime in February I will be moving.
I'm not exactly sure when, but it seems like time has sped.

Tick - Tick - Tick

Yesterday at Mass, someone asked me how much longer. Without
thinking, I remarked, '2 months'.
2 Months!!! Oh no!!!
Wide-eyed, I looked at my parents, who attended Mass with me, and I must have
had a look of fear or trepidation on my face because my mom
started laughing. Of course, she's feeling the same.

Tick - Tick - Tick

I went to Confession this past Friday and the Priest made a
remark that really hit me - I am being tempted and succoming
to those temptations.

Okay, Priests & Religious everywhere... Help!
How do I combat these temptations? The fears, anxieties of leaving
'home', leaving the 'comforts' of 'home', leaving my parents & family
behind, managing to remain sane as I walk (actually I feel like I am running)
toward God and His plan for me? How did you do it?

Tick - Tick - Tick

2 Months!
And before I know it ... 1 Month! YIKES!

It was so nice to be able to say 'in a year & a half' or 'in 6 months'
because it was always far ahead in the future...
but as the clock keeps ticking, so does the time ... away.
And before I know it -

Tick - Tick - Tick

2 Months!

TOCK!

Events of the Come-and-See Week

After my Come-and-See week with the Sisters, it has been mega-crazy due to getting the budget created for work. I finally have a few minutes to review my week with the Trinitarian Sisters.

The first night I tossed & turned - I had so many emotions going through me at one time that I found it very difficult to relax (and the fact that I went from a wonderful double bed to a single). Fears of relinquishing my freedom were on the forefront of my mind. As a Postulent & Novice, we are not free to move about the Shrine or Convent as we would like...even going to the Chapel needs to be approved. I questioned whether I could surrender my freedom continued to haunt me. This made me question my faith and its strength. I have met so many others with greater faith than mine - can I measure up to them? Can I measure up to God's standards?

Yet, even with these questions and apprehensions,
I can not shake the feeling that I am home.

The second day (Monday, 9/8) we celebrated our Holy Mother's birthday! How awesome to be with the Most Holy Trinity AND our Heavenly Mother! It was an absolutely gorgeous day and as an added bonus, Fr. Michael Woost celebrated Mass!

Monday's duty was cleaning the kitchen - the most difficult part was getting on my knees to wash the shelves. Because of softball injuries in highschool, college, and during summer leagues, my knees have taken the brunt of the work - I played catcher. Earlier this year, I tripped over ice and landed on my right knee...creating further hardships. In any case, I offered up the pain for everyone reading my blog, praying for me, and those in my Jesus Jar.

Tuesday - I was seeing red! A farmer donated 1/2 a bushel of tomatoes! We peeled. We cooked. We cut. We saw lots and lots of red. We made lots of stewed tomatoes and had fresh tomatoes for lunch and dinner all week.





Eucharistic Adoration is also celebrated on Tuesdays. It was so nice to be able to sit in front of Jesus (and the Trinity) and let go. Let go of everything that was weighing on my mind.

By the end of the day, the three of us (Sr. L, Sr. M, and I) were so tired we were giddy! Sr. L. brought up the movie Robin Hood, Men in Tights. That's all it took - the three of us created a new version.... Nuns in Tights.


We're Nuns! Nuns in Tights!
We roam around the convent looking for whites.
We may look like penguins
But watch what you say or else we'll give you the lights!
We're Nuns! Nuns in Tights!





Wednesday -

The more I let go and let God, the more content, even a bit euphoric, I am feeling. The fears about freedom are dissipating and I also found that I am trusting God more...and praying more. I found that I am cherishing the 3:00 hour to pray the Rosary and the LOH, something I could never do at work.




This was also a very difficult day for the Sisters, and Trinitarian Order. One of the Trinitarian Priests was accused of abuse (his Sister is also in the Trinitarian order); two Sisters (outside the U.S.) had major health issues - one had a major stroke & is in a coma, the other has terminal cancer and not expected to live much longer; three Sisters (inside the U.S.) had deaths in the family - one's mother passed away, one's Uncle passed away, and the other's nephew (1 year old) passed away. So many heartaches - so many prayers needed.







Thursday -

The question of whether to join the Convent or stay and help my parents was weighing on my mind. I prayed for guidance on what God's plan was for me...where am I supposed to go?


It's also the 7th anniversary of the World Trade Center bombings. The memories of seeing the planes crash into the 2nd tower and United Flight 93 ("Let's Roll") still haunt us. Watching the news on TV that morning, finding that a plane hit Tower 1 then watching as the second plane hits Tower 2 - seemed so illusory.



That evening we took a road trip to Stowe, OH - antique car show! How awesome! It brought back memories of my dad's cars: 1960 Volvo and 1964 Plymoth Belvedere (push button automatic transmission). It was a lot of fun - but one problem - if I was a car, I'd be an antique!!! LOL



Friday
The Most Holy Name of Mary
Another Feast Day for Mary! How awesome!


The Priest (a Franciscan) celebrated Mass this morning and talked about the different names and titles for Mary. How wonderful it has been this week, not only to share my experience with the Most Holy Trinity, but also with Mary, the Mother of God. Many tribulations this week, but many opportunities to TRUST God!

Questions about why God chose this week boggled my mind - but then again, it is just more proof that Mary has been guiding me all my life, by my side the entire time.

Saturday
Feast of St. John Chrysostom (Golden mouth): He is called 'Golden Mouth' because of his eloquence in speech.

Cleaning of the washroom. Afterwards, we were able to go outside for awhile and enjoy the sunshine. I finished reading my book, Swear to God, by Scott Hahn.

After much prayer, I handed in my request to enter the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity. I feel that this is where God wants me.

My Request Submitted

I just returned from my come-and-see week with the
Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity
(in Euclid, OH)






Yesterday (Saturday) I submitted my

official request to join the Order!







Prayers, please!!

Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity

Information about the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity


Some history of the Order of the Most Holy Trinity

St. John of Matha was born of noble parents in Province, France. Educated at Aix, then lived as a hermit at Faucon. Doctorate in theology at Paris. Ordained in 1197. At the first Mass he celebrated, he had a vision of an angel, clothed in white with a red and blue cross on his breast. The angel placed his hands on the heads of two slaves, who knelt beside him. Later, when sitting beside a stream with fellow hermit Saint Felix of Valois, the two were given the vision of a white stag between whose antlers was suspended a blue and red cross. With the encouragement of Pope Innocent III, he founded the Hospitaler Order of the Most Holy Trinity and of Captives (Trinitarians; Redemptionists) to ransom Christian prisoners of the Moors (the Mathurins); it received papal approval in 1209. The angel's clothing became the habit of the order, the Scapular of the Most Holy Trinity was instituted, the Order was placed under the protection of Mary under the title of Our Lady of Good Remedy, and John was the first superior general. Hundreds of prisoners were ransomed and returned to their homes.


More about the Trinitarian Order.


Order of the Most Holy Trinity in the United States





Mother Maria Teresa Cucchiari, foundress of the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity.


"In 1198 John of Matha was inspired to found a community dedicated to the Trinity in order to share the Trinity's love through redemptive charity. On September 8, 1762, Maria Teresa Cucchiari followed her own special call by the Trinity and received the Trinitarian habit and became the foundress of the female branch of the Order of the Most Holy Trinity.Maria Teresa and the first two women to join her carried out the charism of the Order, namely, redemptive charity. They were of service to women and children living in the small towns of the hills of Avezzano, Italy in various ways. This was a truly unique and innovative type of ministry for its time. Over the years this ministry included not only catechesis, but developed into caring for children in orphanages, helping the sick and establishing schools for those who otherwise would not have access to education. Mother Maria Teresa had a great devotion to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. She had complete trust in the providence of God. When she found herself in difficulty her motto became, "I trust in God and I am confident."




Our Lady of Good Remedy


800 years ago Christians were being captured and sold into slavery by the thousands, and nobody knew what to do about it. Then, in the year 1198, a man had an idea. St. John of Matha founded the Trinitarians to go to the slave markets, buy the Christian slaves and set them free. To carry out this plan, the Trinitarians needed large amounts of money. So, they placed their fund-raising efforts under the patronage of Mary. They were so successful at that, over the centuries, the Trinitarians were able to free thousands and thousands of people and to return them safely home. In gratitude for her miraculous assistance, St. John of Matha honored Mary with the title of "Our Lady of Good Remedy." Devotion to Mary under this ancient title is widely known in Europe and Latin America, and the Church celebrates her feast day on October 8. Our Lady of Good Remedy is often depicted as the Virgin Mary handing a bag of money to St. John of Matha.

Habit: The habit of the Sisters is of white wool bearing the emblem of a blue and red cross, signifying the purity of the Father, the sufferings of the Son, and the charity of the Holy Ghost.