Limbo

I am feeling like I am in 'limbo'.  No, not the "Limbo Rock" ... "how low can you go" made famous by Chubby Checkers (although teenage and college years I did very well; not so much any more). 

Limbo - like Purgatory on Earth.  The in between places or phases of our life.  It's the area where we end one chapter of our life and are on the blank space or page before the next chapter begins.  I think this is where God is helping me grow and mature in both faith and being, preparing me for my next phase of life; giving me the 'faith upgrade'.  The only problem: I am missing the 'Important Global Consumer Support Information' booklet.

I guess this is why I call this phase 'Limbo'.  It is where God is asking me to rely on His Divine Providence, pray His Holy Word, listen for His voice, and rely less on the sensual and worldly views.  But this is where it gets difficult.  I feel like I have the good angel (in white, of course) on one shoulder telling me to pray and trust in God and the bad angel (in red, no less) on the other shoulder telling me to rely on myself and make the move.  My choice and path depends on which voice I listen and heed.  Do I listen to the voice of Truth (the Angel in white) or do I listen to the voice of lies (angel in red)?  

The song 'The Voice of Truth' by Casting Crowns sums it up well:

Oh what I would do to have                                                                                              The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in                                                   Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone                                                                                     To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is                                                           And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me                             Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed                                    The waves they keep on telling me                                                                         Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!' "You'll never win"

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story                                                           And the voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid!"                                                            And the voice of Truth says "This is for My glory"                                                           Out of all the voices calling out to me                                                                             I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

God is preparing me for my next chapter in life; my faith upgrade.  Do I trust Him or do I put my faith in myself?God's plan is perfect; my plan is based on false assumptions.  I need to step outside my comfort zone and into God's arms, praying and listening to His Word, and the voice of Truth.  Only then, will I be prepared to take the next steps in life for Him.

Random Thoughts on the Mass

As I was perusing through my blog posts, I was awestruck (again) by the Trinitarian mural (posted at the bottom of my blog). This is a representation of what occurs at every Mass.

Can you imagine the immense change in us if we approached Mass the same way?  I am so guilty of attending Mass (and Adoration) with distractions: rehashing the prior day's or weeks' events; reviewing the agenda for the day or week to come; mulling over a conversation with a loved one or friend; focusing my attention on a child or family sitting in front of me; or being distracted by people talking behind me during Mass (*shudder* - one of my pet peeves).  I allow these distractions to infiltrate my mind, which in turn, diverts my attention from the most awesome transpiration being manifested directly in front of me - God's Love!

There is a story about a husband and father coming home after work.  As he walks down the sidewalk toward his front door, he stops in front of a small tree. He gestures taking something off around his neck, like a person would be taking off a necklace, and he places it on the tree, then continues up the sidewalk and into the house.  The next morning, as he leaves the house for work, he again stops by the tree.  Instead putting something onto the tree like he had done the prior evening, he takes something off the tree and places it back around his neck, then proceeds to go to work.  One day, a friend of his came home with him.  He again stopped in front of the tree on his way into the house, gestured pulling something off of him and placing it on the tree, then proceeding to enter the house.  Once inside, his friend asked him why he stopped by the tree and what he 'placed' on the tree.  The man stated that when he comes home, he leaves all of his worries, frustrations, and obligations from work on the tree.  He can not bring those things with him into the house and into his family.  As he leaves for work the next morning, he shoulders those work responsibilities he left on the tree and returns to work.

My task, as I see it, is the same as the husband/father as I enter the Church.  My duties, agendas, and responsibilities in my life need to be shelved before I enter for Mass.  It's not that God does not care about these things. It is more about how my love for God needs to be in the forefront of my mind, as the Altar is at the front of the Church.  I can only imagine how this would change my perspective of Mass.  Rather than being distracted, could I actually see and comprehend and believe that everything and everyone is connected at Mass?  Would I be able to envision my loved ones who have died joining with the Priest, Christ, and His Sacrifice?  Would I be able to fully understand that the Angels and Saints are joining us, packing the Church from floor to ceiling?  Would I be able to relax and just 'be' in front of God for an hour and praise Him?

Friday, I had to travel to Parma after work to visit a coworker whose father had died recently. While at the funeral home, he introduced me to his family.  His father's last moments were doing things he loved.  His father played cards with a group in the morning, ate lunch, then played another game of cards after lunch. He had a few moments, so sat down in a common area by the fire.  When he did not show up for dinner, the staff and friends searched for him, finding him sitting in a chair by the fireplace.  He had quietly passed away.

What do I want my last moments to be?  As Jesus had stated, we do not know the day nor the hour. Therefore, every moment must be focused on Him. If I bring my baggage, frustrations, and needs into Mass, what would my last moments be focused upon?  Do I really want to look back and know that work and inconsequential 'things' were more important than the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass?  This gives me a whole new perspective as I enter the Church.  This Sunday, these will be placed on a bush or tree outside the doors of the Church, allowing me to enter with one focus - Him.

Georgianna's Choice

'The baby Georgianna Garry was carrying had severe birth defects that gave him little chance to survive. She had every right to abort the pregnancy when she found out, her doctor told her. But she decided to carry her son, Liam, to term, hoping for 10 minutes with him. What she got was so much more.'

My sister works with Georgianna's father. This is an amazing story of love, hope, and miracles. (I also know Fr. Dave Woost, from Divine Word, in Kirtland. He is an amazing and holy Priest.)

Read the rest of Georgianna's Choice (by Heide Aungst).

God's Grace in Action

Ever since reading 'Conceived without Sin,' I have been sensing God's grace more. It is not that God recently decided to grant me His grace, it's more the fact that I have become more intune with God's voice.

I do not deserve His grace, let alone his mercy, yet He grants me these in order to become more holy, more loving, and become a better person in His eyes. On Friday, God tested my obedience and granted me his grace throughout the day. It was one of the most amazing days I have ever had. It started off by me missing the first train to downtown Cleveland.

How was this a grace of God? Had I been on that first train, I would have missed 3 of God's most amazing creatures - a doe and her two fawns. The doe walked across the tracks, from one set of trees to another. The fawns loosely following her, scampered across playfully trying to stay close enough to mom, but yet exhibiting some independence. What an amazing sight! Thank you, God!

On the way downtown, I was receiving a constant urge to have the Miraculous medals I had in my purse blessed. I bought them at Our Lady of Lourdes Shrine for my nieces and nephews. My intention was to have them blessed on Sunday, so I dismissed the thought. I continued saying the Rosary on the train, yet the thought would not cease. I walked into the Cathedral and sat down in my usual pew. Thought became stronger. Bless the medals. The Bishop will bless them. Go to the Confessional. Have the Bishop bless them.

From where I sat, I was unable to see which Priest is in the Confessional. Finally, I got up and walked over to the Confessional (okay, I suffer from what a good friend of mine calls 'Eventual Obedience'). The Bishop was there! Thank you, God! I asked if he would bless the Miraculous medals. He did - it was a beautiful prayer and blessing!

Mass began. It was the feast day of St. Cyril. I'm not sure about you, but I heard the name, but I did not know anything about who this saint was. The Bishop started his homily talking about St. Cyril, when he lived, and that although many of us may never have heard of him, we use his doctrine almost daily. Suddenly the thought, Mary, Mother of God, came to mind. I was not sure why, but okay. Yes, I firmly believe that Mary is the Mother of God. It is part of the doctrine of the Faith. It was not until the end of the Bishop's homily that he stated what St. Cyril was noted for - declaring Mary was the Mother of God, ending all debates about who Jesus was.

Wow! What a day to have the medals blessed! (by the Bishop, no less!) Thank you, God!

Mass continued. Give one to Jan. What? Why would I give one of the medals I just had blessed to my boss' wife? These were for my nieces and nephews. Jan was recently diagnosed with lymphoma (a form of cancer) and both she and Gale (her husband, my boss) were going through a very difficult time. Give one to Jan, ask Gale if he wants one. I was unsure if they are even Catholic! Okay, okay. I'll give one to Jan. Now, how am I going to explain this to Gale? Speak the truth.

I got to work and went straight into Gale's office and asked him if he had a minute. (In recent months, I already spoke to him about my vocation change and that it will take effect in about a year and a half. He was very supportive.) Gale nodded. I prayed a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit for the words. My explanation went something like this..."I am not sure why I need to give Jan one of these, but I do. It is a Miraculous medal. I was just blessed by the Bishop this morning. Would you like one?" He said sure.

After this, we had one of the best discussions about faith & miracles. Thank you, God!

I am unsure where God is leading me, but I know that He is right beside me. As He continues to test me and I continue trying to be obedient, my faith and trust continues to grow. I still do not understand why Jan and Gale needed a medal, but it is not my job to know. It is my job to remain obedient to God's will.


God's supreme gift of love is the Holy Spirit. Love is also at the heart of Jesus' last Commandment to us: "Love one another, as I have loved you." Love has to be the essential foundation of a moral life. Love should also be an integral part of sacrifice, like Christ's sacrifice for us. The greatest act of love is giving one's life for another. This does not necessarily mean that we have to die for another. But I think it also means that we need to sacrifice for each other, to lay down those parts of us that we hold dear and offer them to help others.

A moral life requires grace, which supplies the spiritual strength to do the right thing. Every time we overcome temptation or avoid a sin we have been struggling with, this is another time that we give our 'selves' to God. Every time we listen to God's voice and heed his words, thought we may not understand yet obey, we live for God. This means to offer up our total 'selves'; our wants, desires, temptations, joys, struggles, sorrows; our entire selves to God in order to glorify Him. It is through how we live in Christ and Christ in us that enables us to be Christ for others. We glorify God through our actions, words, works, and thoughts.

A friend once told me to put myself on the Altar at Mass and ask God during the consecration and Holy Communion to come into my heart and soul and change me. Change me to be more like Him. I need to surrender myself to God.

The dismissal at Mass is then our charge to the community...to be sent forth on a mission to the world...to evangelize through our lives...to bring a piece of Heaven to the world. I believe this is what St. Josemaria Escriva meant with Opus Dei. My life is God's life, my work is God's work. Everything is a grace of God. I can't give Christ to others if I do not have Jesus Christ living in me. I need to become one with the Father and the faith and radiate this out through my life.

Amy Grant's song, 'Father's Eyes,' is one that I have come to cherish.

I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl. And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world. But that's all right as long as I can have one wish I pray. When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say.

She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes. Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around. Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can't be found. Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain. Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same. Just like my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes. Just like my Father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done,Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone. And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me, More than anything I know, I want your words to be.


In the end, I want to have my Father's eyes. Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around. Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can't be found. Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain. Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same. Just like my Father's eyes.