Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Doubt and Christ-Incidences

Lately, there have been a few times that I have questioned whether God really wants me to become a nun. I started doubting myself. Am I really cut out for this? Will I be able to pay off my bills by the time I enter the Postulency? Can I actually do this?

Then God sends me little signs. A dear friend calls them 'Christ-incidences.'

Today was one of those days.

A colleague and good friend told me she did not think I would make it the 18 to 20 months of waiting before I could profess my temporary vows. She thought I would change my mind and stay in the job I am in currently. Maybe adopt a few children and start a family. Don't get me wrong, she is a dear friend and is only looking out for my best interest. Also in her defense, she did remark that of all of the people she works with, I am the only one she could see entering religious life.

However, her best interest may not be God's best interest for me.

After our little morning chat, I started doubting whether I was cut out for the Convent. Is this where God really wants me? Is this my calling? So I said a little prayer and went about my day...meetings! Ugh! (That leaves more work for me when I get back to the office).

The first Christ-incident happened about noon. One of the Sisters of the Order I am applying to enter called me. She left a message to call her. I thanked God that she called since she always brings up my spirits. She has such a zest for life and loves to laugh and make everyone else laugh. I couldn't imagine what she wanted to talk to me about since we just saw each other on Saturday, yet it sounded urgent. Ugh! Another meeting. Couldn't call her back. (more work piling up)

I finally had a chance to call her around 2:30, but she was on her way to Adoration and could not talk. *sigh* She asked me to call her around 6:00 this evening. So after my meetings and doing some paperwork, I left for the day. When I arrived at the train station, I decided to call her before I started my way toward home. We had such a wonderful chat! I loved hearing her voice and truly enjoyed our time. (nothing urgent).

The second Christ-incident was after I arrived home. I received a package in the mail from another dear friend. Inside were hand-written thank you notes from young adults (I guess I really can not call them kids since they were in 7th grade).

My friend, their PSR teacher, asked several of us to talk to her class last year about vocations. I talked about my change in vocation from being a single working adult to one of religious life, what made me change, and my favorite Saint - Saint Maximillian Kolbe. It was a lot of fun to talk to these young adults and watch their faces when I talked about St. Max.

The following week, my friend had asked the students to write thank you letters to all the people who came to talk. She then placed them in her bag to take home. It was the last class of the year and when she got home, she put the bag in a corner. She forgot about the letters until this week when she was getting ready for this next school year - oops! She gathered the letters and sent them snail mail. They came today.

As I was reading them, one letter caught my heart.

'Thank U Miss [LM]' it read on the front.

'Thank you Miss [LM] for coming and telling us ur storie
your stay made me think alot about being a nun
I will put alot of thought into that'

'From [student's name]
Jesus loves you'

Why I ever doubted, I'm not sure. God certainly has a way of letting us know His will...if we only stop to listen.


Post update:

I just received a phone call from my Aunt (my dad's sister). She is helping some friends of mine and I create something for a special friend of ours. Anyway, she mentioned something on the phone that was another Christ-incident.

Last year when my Uncle (my dad's and Aunt's brother) was dying, I called her to give her updates on his condition. She told me today that she wondered then why I never considered being a nun. Little did she know, back then, I was!

I'm being called to be a bride of Christ.

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