The first night I tossed & turned - I had so many emotions going through me at one time that I found it very difficult to relax (and the fact that I went from a wonderful double bed to a single). Fears of relinquishing my freedom were on the forefront of my mind. As a Postulent & Novice, we are not free to move about the Shrine or Convent as we would like...even going to the Chapel needs to be approved. I questioned whether I could surrender my freedom continued to haunt me. This made me question my faith and its strength. I have met so many others with greater faith than mine - can I measure up to them? Can I measure up to God's standards?
Yet, even with these questions and apprehensions,
I can not shake the feeling that I am home.
The second day (Monday, 9/8) we celebrated our Holy Mother's birthday! How awesome to be with the Most Holy Trinity AND our Heavenly Mother! It was an absolutely gorgeous day and as an added bonus, Fr. Michael Woost celebrated Mass!
Monday's duty was cleaning the kitchen - the most difficult part was getting on my knees to wash the shelves. Because of softball injuries in highschool, college, and during summer leagues, my knees have taken the brunt of the work - I played catcher. Earlier this year, I tripped over ice and landed on my right knee...creating further hardships. In any case, I offered up the pain for everyone reading my blog, praying for me, and those in my Jesus Jar.
Tuesday - I was seeing red! A farmer donated 1/2 a bushel of tomatoes! We peeled. We cooked. We cut. We saw lots and lots of red. We made lots of stewed tomatoes and had fresh tomatoes for lunch and dinner all week.
Eucharistic Adoration is also celebrated on Tuesdays. It was so nice to be able to sit in front of Jesus (and the Trinity) and let go. Let go of everything that was weighing on my mind.
By the end of the day, the three of us (Sr. L, Sr. M, and I) were so tired we were giddy! Sr. L. brought up the movie Robin Hood, Men in Tights. That's all it took - the three of us created a new version.... Nuns in Tights.
We're Nuns! Nuns in Tights!
We roam around the convent looking for whites.
We may look like penguins
But watch what you say or else we'll give you the lights!
We're Nuns! Nuns in Tights!
The more I let go and let God, the more content, even a bit euphoric, I am feeling. The fears about freedom are dissipating and I also found that I am trusting God more...and praying more. I found that I am cherishing the 3:00 hour to pray the Rosary and the LOH, something I could never do at work.
This was also a very difficult day for the Sisters, and Trinitarian Order. One of the Trinitarian Priests was accused of abuse (his Sister is also in the Trinitarian order); two Sisters (outside the U.S.) had major health issues - one had a major stroke & is in a coma, the other has terminal cancer and not expected to live much longer; three Sisters (inside the U.S.) had deaths in the family - one's mother passed away, one's Uncle passed away, and the other's nephew (1 year old) passed away. So many heartaches - so many prayers needed.
The question of whether to join the Convent or stay and help my parents was weighing on my mind. I prayed for guidance on what God's plan was for me...where am I supposed to go?
It's also the 7th anniversary of the World Trade Center bombings. The memories of seeing the planes crash into the 2nd tower and United Flight 93 ("Let's Roll") still haunt us. Watching the news on TV that morning, finding that a plane hit Tower 1 then watching as the second plane hits Tower 2 - seemed so illusory.
That evening we took a road trip to Stowe, OH - antique car show! How awesome! It brought back memories of my dad's cars: 1960 Volvo and 1964 Plymoth Belvedere (push button automatic transmission). It was a lot of fun - but one problem - if I was a car, I'd be an antique!!! LOL
The Most Holy Name of Mary
Another Feast Day for Mary! How awesome!
The Priest (a Franciscan) celebrated Mass this morning and talked about the different names and titles for Mary. How wonderful it has been this week, not only to share my experience with the Most Holy Trinity, but also with Mary, the Mother of God. Many tribulations this week, but many opportunities to TRUST God!
Questions about why God chose this week boggled my mind - but then again, it is just more proof that Mary has been guiding me all my life, by my side the entire time.
Feast of St. John Chrysostom (Golden mouth): He is called 'Golden Mouth' because of his eloquence in speech.
Cleaning of the washroom. Afterwards, we were able to go outside for awhile and enjoy the sunshine. I finished reading my book, Swear to God, by Scott Hahn.
After much prayer, I handed in my request to enter the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity. I feel that this is where God wants me.